Stay-at-Home Parents

» Angela England - microtrends - permissive parenting

I enjoyed your thought provoking blog post and I think the question of whether I "agree" or not depends on definition.

If by permissive you mean attentive and responsive I would say ABSOLUTELY!!! After all - that is the picture we are given in Scripture of God's love and caring for us - as a mother hen protecting under her wings, as a nursing mother providing the ultimate nourishment and protection for her infant (El Shaddai - the hebrew term translated as "God All-Sufficient" is from the root word "shaddyim" which means "breast".), as a willing sacrifice who will take on the evil thigns of the world so that others won't have to. :-)

My kids rule my heart and they know it.

If by permissive you mean the children do whatever they want I say NO. A 3 year old does not understand that running out into the street can kill him. my 20 month old does not understand that sticking her hand on the hot oven door can hurt her - even permanantly scar her. In that case it is clearly my role as the parent - as the ADULT to establish a clear boundary to protect from dangerous situations while simultaniously not making my children neurotic freaks who can't function in society.

(I have seen both extremes - we have a family in our community who's kids won't touch anything for fear of "killer germs" - the 6 year olds actual words...imo that is an extreme planted in her head by her mother. On the other hand we have a neighbor who's 5 and 7 year old daughters run wild throughout the neighborhood and just yesterday were barefoot in 45 degree weather. THAT is the type of "permissive parenting" I'm not too kean on)

So I guess the answer is "yes" and "no" and "Depends". :-)
Like so many things when it comes to children there is no one right answer for every child in every situation. If there were just one right way it would be SO much easier to parent. And so much less rewarding, eh?

Blessings,

Angela ---an "old-fashioned"-home birthing-child wearing-cosleeping-rarely spanking-daughter adoring-son delighting-playful-never yelling-never screaming-never intimidating-permissive but still parenting-parent. :-D

» Angela England - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by AngEngland:

Oh I have to share this story my husband reminded me of. We had a college professor who was very much a believer in EXTREME permissive parenting. He felt "imposing outside limitations on a child would damage their psyche" or some other such babble. The real-world result?

His five year daughter standing on the table at a very pricy resteraunt (dh and I were on a date and saw this with our own eyes) throwing peas and mashed potatoes at the other patrons while her father expressed delight at her expressiveness.

Um - yeah - that would be an unhealthy extreme. *laughing*

Here's a question - why do some parents look at it as all one way or all the other instead of taking the beneficial bits from multiple sources? I'm a firm believer in using whatever will work best for your individual child. :-)

Angela

» Diane Laney Fitzpatrick - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by AngEngland:

Angela, you are too funny!

I think the book's use of the term "permissive parenting" is a little misleading; it's more "indulgent parenting" or "fearful parenting" in that these parents (in the extreme) are afraid to make decisions for their kids, or set limits, or say no, for fear they'll appear mean.

Even so, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down and talking to a child when they do something wrong, as opposed to hitting him as punishment.

When I was growing up, my mom would only have to say (in that voice) "I am SO disappointed in you," and I would crumble inside. I remember thinking I'd rather she ground me or hit me, which is what my friends had done to them.

Diane - who not only picked up her own babies when they cried, picks up any baby when it cries!

» Kelly Smith - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by DianeFitz:

You guys are right on the mark. I think one problem is that society made a major shift in the "let's not hurt his self-esteem" direction in the late 60's and into the 70's. I think we may be going towards a better balance now.

Ha ha Diane, I also got the "disappointed in you" treatment when I was a kid. Yeah, a whuppin' would have been easier to take! But in retrospect, it was valuable because I think it taught me that it wasn't just about me and the punishment but it reinforced the fact that I needed to think about bigger interactions. Of course, I didn't realize it at the time but it sank in somehow.

I've only got one kid myself, but I think I'm getting the job done right...

Kelly

» Jennifer White - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by AngEngland:

*nods in agreement*

I can't say more than what Angela did, but just needed to add that is always refreshing to meet other moms who grasp the difference between being a gentle parent and being a jellyfish parent that is easily pushed around.

Angela - I also appreciated your reference to El Shaddai. I did not know that tid bit. As a Christian, I appreciate the beauty in the image of God as a gentle being who nourishes His children.