Stay-at-Home Parents

» Angela England - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by jennybeans:

Jennifer,

When I was disciplined in church for nursing my 6 day old child I went on a search through Scripture and discovered that tidbit. My rebutle letter was FANTASTIC.

I also discovered that when the Lord called for the brand new sanctuary to be santified (as in the Holy Temple) He called for the "elders, the nursing babes, all the congregation to santify the temple". I LOVE that God did not consider His temple HOLY until EVERYONE was present.

If my husband and I go, my children typically go. If they aren't welcome - we aren't welcome. :-D

Angela

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» Diane Laney Fitzpatrick - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by AngEngland:

Kelly, I'm sure you are getting the job done right. Interesting exchanges here! I've had my share of embarrassing moments when my kids acted up in public, but the parents' reaction tells it all, doesn't it?

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» Jennifer W. Miner - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by DianeFitz:
I'm an attachment parent, but I'm not sure any of us writing here have teenagers. I used to work with teens, and - shooey! They can be a difficult bunch. My guess is that the amount of "permissiveness" versus setting strict, nonnegotiable boundaries has to shift a little to keep up with developmental changes in kids, tweens, and teenagers. Any parents of teens out there?

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» Sandra Williams - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by JenniferMiner:

Holding hand up as parent of teens. Although they all go through different stages at different times, it doesn't necessarily get any easier.

I don't like to judge others methods too much because as Angela mentioned, every child is different. One stern look might be enough to correct one person's child but that doesn't mean the same will apply to everyone else. Some need a much heavier hand and some serious consequences.

My mother was a hard a** and the matriarch in our home. While I don't run around chasing my kids with a wooden spoon like she did, I did pick up some of her methods. She's mellowed a lot but she's actually a lot of fun and worked in pediatrics for years. Of course as most older ones say my youngest sister got away with murder compared to me. I'm sure my eldest will say the same later on.

Most kids love her but they know not to mess with her. It's rare to be able to find that balance of respect and fun though IMO.

We had older stepchildren come into our marriage and had challenges with that. You want them to like you yet you need to be a parent and not a "friend".

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» Susan Whelan - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by sandraeli:

The article, blog and discussion on this topic have all been very interesting. I have three children (3, 6 and 8) and while I love encouraging them to express themselves and make their own decisions and choices, I also see it as my responsibility to protect them in situations that they aren't old enough to understand or judge appropriately.

I have spanked my children in the past - a quick slap on the back of a 2 year olds hand when they keep reaching for something hot or dangerous can be very effective. Hitting or spanking a child when the parent is angry is another matter completely and I don't believe that it is effective at all as they get older. As my 8 year old discovered this afternoon (after he pinched his sister, refused to apologise then shouted at me) it is a much greater punishment to have a privilege temporarily removed (no shopping trip with his grandparents tomorrow for his new school supplies).

Age appropriate limits need to be set and bad behaviour needs to have consequences, but I don't think these need to be fire and brimstone lectures or physical punishment to be effective.

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» Susan Whelan - microtrends - permissive parenting

I should add a story about my very permissive-parenting cousin who has ALWAYS reasoned with her children and NEVER given them any kind of boundaries at all(now two of the most disrespectful teenagers I have ever met).

She and her husband had to go out to a business meeting while working in London, meeting an important client at a very impressive restaurant. Her 5-year-old daughter wanted to wear a skimpy dress-up costume and was told that she should wear something else instead (by her father who needed to impress the client). She wore what she was told to (so they thought).

Half way through the meal, the daughter stood up and stripped off her outer layer of clothing to reveal her skimpy dress-ups underneath. Her mother thought that this was wonderful and showed how ingenious and creative she was. The client wasn't quite so impressed.

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» Diane Laney Fitzpatrick - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by RealityChick02:

These stories are fascinating to me!
I have teenagers, and I think by the time they reach a certain age, you can't slap their hands when they start to do something bad, can't spank them. That's when other discipline methods, if you've used them, come in handy. Teenagers are very good at persuasion (most kids naturally find that power at some point) and you have to rely on your power of talking, reasoning in order to keep up.

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» Sandra Williams - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by DianeFitz:

True,talking to your kids so that they understand better makes sense. At the same time and I don't mean to insult teenagers but after a certain amount of time you lose them. Sometimes I'm the same way and don't find it necessary to discuss some things for a long length of time. My husband is famous for his lengthy talks/lectures and I can see them zoning out after a couple minutes. At times brief, direct orders are more appropriate. (Take a shower, you're starting to smell funny. Take the garbage out. It's your turn.)

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» Angela England - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by sandraeli:

I hear a deal on the radio from Dr. Laura about dealing with teenagers that was fantastic - she said write a list of the five wonderfully fun things the kid likes to do on the weekend and put it on a big poster board.

Tell the teen that is their weekend to do list assuming they do what needs to be done during the school week. Child throws a fit, doesn't take out the trash, doesn't do homework, etc, etc rather then YELL or NAG or WHINE or PLEAD simply walk over to the to do list and cross the first fun thing off the list.

Brilliant! It totally puts the teen in control of their weekend to do list without requiring parental "griping" or heavy-handedness.

Set the expectations. Make the reward/consequences clear and enforce WITHOUT confrontation! Made total sense for a wide variety of situations.

Not beneficial for a two year old - but much more effective for a teenager situation. :-)

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» Sandra Williams - microtrends - permissive parenting

In response to microtrends - permissive parenting posted by AngEngland:

That is a good idea. We do the taking away privileges thing but it takes both parents to agree what is or isn't heavy handed. I tend to be a little softer and if it's just that they needed a gentle reminder and forgot to do something, I won't make a federal case out of it.

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds