Children pick up swear words and other obscenities at alarming rates, even when their parents try their best to use appropriate language around their kids. Parental controls are almost non-existent if the words are learnt when the kids are not with their parents. So what’s a parent to do?
Dr. Brent Waters and Liz Kennedy, authors of Every Kid – Parenting your Five to Twelve Year Old [Australia: Doubleday, 2001], say that parents should just stay calm. “Don’t over-react as your reaction may encourage him to test you out,” they explain, adding that setting a good example, introducing new words, starting a reward menu for not swearing and monitoring the child can manage frequent swearing in children.
Be a Good Role Model
Parents should refrain from swearing or using offensive language in front of the child. Sue Cowley, author of Getting your Little Darlings to Behave [New York: Continuum, 2006], agrees. She says adults often expect to get away with behavior that they would not consider acceptable from children. “However, if you swear, expect your child to swear too,” she says. So lead by example. Don’t swear and don’t use foul language in the presence of children.
Introduce other New Words
A child’s use of swear words is an excessive way of saying things that children feel. While generally harmless, this habit must not be encouraged. Write down all the colorful words coming out from the child’s mouth, then sit down with the child and go through each word. Use a more appropriate and polite word or phrase with the same message to replace the foul language. Encourage the child to use the new polite word when expressing himself in the future.
Limit TV Time
TV programs are often filled with foul language, including some cartoons and children’s programs. Screen the programs that children watch and allow them to watch only shows suitable for their age. Parents should check the program rating first if they are not sure. Better still, watch the show together with the child and listen to the language used.
Start a Reward System
Instead of punishing the child for swearing, why not focus on the positive? Give him a small reward whenever he successfully goes through one whole day without swearing. The rewards don’t have to be gifts. Instead, Waters and Kennedy suggest privileges that fit into the normal family lifestyle such as a later bedtime on Friday or Saturday weekends, TV show of the child’s choice or a favorite dessert. Parents can even add a bonus for several consecutive swearing-free days to encourage better behavior.
Monitor the Child’s Behavior
Keep track of the child’s swearing. Record it every time he swears. If the reward system has been set up and is working like a charm, there will be a marked improvement in the number of foul language-free days.
Always stay calm when a child swears. Don’t make a big deal out of it because when parents fuss about the words, the words become even more appealing to the child. The most effective approaches are to continue being a good role model, substitute the foul words with more acceptable alternatives that convey the same meaning, limit TV exposure, set up a system to reward the child for each swearing-free day he has and monitor changes in the child’s language.
For more child behavior management tips, read also When a Child Steals, When a Child Lies and When a Child Answers Back.
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