Becoming a mother has an enormous impact on a woman's body, relationships, and goals. Leaving the workforce to become a stay at home parent can be just as difficult a transition.
Transition from Career to Cribs Mirrors First Time Parenting
Nina Barrett, author of I Wished Someone Had Told Me: A Realistic Guide to Early Motherhood, [Simon and Schuster, 1990], compares the motherhood transition to child birth, "Just as my body had stretched and ached to bear this child, so my whole life, my relationships, my ambitions and my self-image, would have to rework itself around the baby's presence."
Having a baby does in fact change everything. Every aspect of your life is abruptly pulled apart and reorganized. Add leaving a career to the new motherhood mix and many women experience an identity crisis. To ease your adjustment anxiety, create a paradigm shift in your thinking: don't decide how you should feel at home, instead simply accept how you do feel.
5 Tips to Feel More at Home - At Home
Despite the popular belief that it takes about a year to feel comfortable with the transition, parents aren't robots, they’re individuals. Not everyone feels exactly the same when they move from the boardroom to the baby's room. Yet if you're honest with yourself and avoid comparing your reactions to other mothers, you'll ease into your transition and begin to develop a new, more comfortable identity. Try these tips:
Accept Key Truths: Every Parent Doesn't Feel the Same
If after months on the home front you still aren't overcome with joy, reduce your anxiety by letting yourself off the hook. Because while your aunt, sister, playgroup friend or neighbor might be content at home full-time with the kids, it's perfectly natural that some parents never feel entirely satisfied after they leave the workforce. As long as you avoid defining “good mother” by the degree to which you like being at home, you can face the truth for what it is without judgment.
Evaluate Feelings As a Stay at Home Mother
Become introspective. Conduct your own internal "climate control" survey, a tool often used by corporations to gauge their employee's overall satisfaction. Ask yourself the following questions; only be sure to answer honestly and avoid weighing your responses against how you think your other parents would answer.
- Do you want to develop an at-home career? Do volunteer work? Find a hobby?
- Are you content being solely with your kids most days or do you need more adult interaction?
- Would you like to return to the workplace full or part-time?
- Do you feel unfulfilled emotionally and/or intellectually?
- Do you feel psychological or physical distress due to chronic illness, anxiety or depression?
- Do you receive adequate support from your spouse, family and friends?
Set Goals and Modify Your Life Plan
Co-parenting goes beyond sharing child care. Mothers and fathers should regularly discuss how they feel and modify their situation as circumstances change. You might for example, want more time to yourself during the week and need to budget for an afternoon baby-sitter.
Consider asking your spouse to come home from work early once a week. Ask family and friends for more help. Work from home or return to the workplace part-time. Create a baby-sitting co-op with parents you trust. Take night classes to earn a degree in a new field. Organize a fitness club or join a gym that offers childcare. If you continuously ask for people for support and re-evaluate your situation, although parenting won't get any easier, your transition will.
Join a Parent Support or Networking Group
One size mom's group doesn't fit all. While some organizations appeal to at-home or working mothers, or offer a religious or parenting philosophy, other groups focus on the challenges mothers face as they move in and out of the workforce. Many parents network through their church, online, via their neighborhood or with friends. You're more likely to peacefully adapt to your new life outside the workforce if you join at least one circle that mirrors your own personal view of how motherhood and life "fit" together.
Ease Transition To Home: Change Your Mindset and Make Life Adjustments
As you make the transition, learn to accept that there is no pre-determined deadline to adapt to being at home, nor is there a blueprint for how you should feel. Recognize that if you don't enjoy being home 24/7 it doesn't mean you're a bad mother or that you don't love your child "enough." Instead, work with your partner to make realistic adjustments in your lives so you'll feel more authentic to your identity and more fulfilled in your new role. In the process you'll give your children, your spouse and yourself one of the finest gifts – your contentment.
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