Teaching Children Kindness and Empathy
How to Raise Kind and Compassionate Kids
Everyone, including very young children, can learn to be kind and compassionate. When children are kind to others, the home and schools become better places with fewer cases of bullying taking place. And there’s no better place to start cultivating kindness and compassion than the home. Here are some useful tips.
Be Realistic
Kindness is not something that can be learnt overnight, particularly in young children. It is a gradual learning process that takes place over some time with constant reminders and good examples. Arlene Eisenberg, co-author of What to Expect: the Toddler Years [Australia: Harper Collins, 1998], says it will be years before toddlers can consistently put others’ feelings first. “But showing him that other people have feelings is taking a step in the direction of developing empathy,” she says.
Set a Good Example
The most effective way to teach children kindness is not by talking about it but by actually doing and showing kindness. Children tend to copy the adults around them. So treat everyone regardless of gender, age, race and social background with respect. Parents who are involved in volunteer work, regularly help elderly neighbors or just being respectful of others often find it easier to train their kids to be kind and caring. Also, tell children they can be civil even if they dislike someone for a good reason.
Teach Children to Recognize the Feelings of Others
Before they can be empathic towards other people, little children need to know that other people have feelings too. Andrew Fuller, family therapist and author of Tricky Kids [Australia: Finch Publishing, 2007] suggests that parents occasionally point to people that children see and ask the children what they think the people are feeling. Questions like “What do you think the man is feeling?” or “”What sort of day do you think that woman is having” will give children some ideas that others have feelings too. Another thing to remember: kindness should also extend to animals and the environment.
Be Kind to Own Children
Sometimes, parents do forget to be kind to their own children, though not purposely. This is particularly true when the kids do not behave. Parents may lash out with harsh words such as “stupid” and “idiot” when admonishing the children. Refrain from that. Always talk to children gently and treat them with respect too. And when disciplining them, be firm but avoid physical punishment and make sure all disciplinary action comes with an explanation.
Reward Kindness in Children
Parents often scold their children if they are not kind towards others but many forget to praise them when they do show kindness. Catch children in acts of kindness and shower them with praises. This point is emphasized by Robert Brookes and Sam Goldstein, authors of Raising a Self-Disciplined Child [New York: McGraw-Hill, 2007]. They explain, "For a pattern of caring behavior to emerge and be maintained, parents need to nurture it." A good way to nurture it is by giving the child a star sticker each time he expresses kindness. Parents can then give him a big treat when he's collected a certain number of stars.
While many children are naturally empathetic, parents do need to work on helping them to maintain the trait. By being a good role model, showing kindness to children, teaching children that everyone has feelings and praising children when they are being kind and compassionate, parents are more likely to be successful in bringing kindness into the family.
Young Children Can Learn to be Kind
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