Everybody has days when it seems like everything is falling down around your head and your patience is stretched to its breaking point. But for a parent who stays home and takes care of a child or children, bad days have their own unique challenges. There is nobody around to give you a rest when you need one, even just to use the bathroom by yourself or have a ten-minute coffee break. Here are a few tips to help you stay zen when you're feeling more like Mount St. Helens.
Have a Mantra
Think about the reasons why you are raising your own children. Perhaps you want to be there during the few years they are very small. Choose a short phrase that reminds you that what you are doing is valuable and that children are only small for a little while, such as, “This too shall pass."
Breathe Deeply and Exercise
Deep breathing is an easy way to reduce your stress and increase your oxygen intake, even if you have to put your toddler in the playpen and go out of the room for a moment to take a few slow, deep breaths. Exercise, such as going to the park or on a nature walk, can help clear the air for everyone by allowing your children to run off some energy that may have otherwise been spent squabbling inside the house.
Strive for Balance
Nobody is a perfect parent. Keep your expectations about housekeeping, schedules or behavior flexible. Some days are better than others and that is normal, so try not to be critical of yourself when things don't go according to plan.
See Through your Child's Eyes
Before entering into a power struggle with your child, first look at the situation from their perspective. What do they want or need from you? Is there something they are afraid of? Can you make a compromise with them, without putting their health and safety at risk? Try putting aside your own ego and expectations and allow yourself to experience life as your child does.
Zen Parenting
These tips are applicable to children of all ages, from babies to teenagers, and are helpful for parents who have responsibilities outside of the home as well. When you feel yourself boiling over, take notice of that feeling and use it as a cue to step back from the situation and observe it objectively. In Zen Parenting, [Robins Lane Press, 2004] Judith Costello and Jurgen Haver recommend learning to be "present in the moment" in order to avoid stress and remain invigorated as a parent. You may find that simply looking at the situation and observing your feelings and your child's feelings without being caught up in the moment can help you to keep your cool.
No amount of preparation can prevent us from having bad days as stay at home parents. Sometimes the dishwasher is broken, the cat is sick and your toddler is having a meltdown, and it feels like there is nothing you can do. When those bad days happen, try getting outside, taking a few deep breaths and looking at the situation from a different perspective. It might just make a world of difference.
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