Parents often find themselves doing certain things because it is expected of them. Stay-at-home parents, in particular, are often subject to scrutiny from others because they are deemed to have more time when dealing with parenting and household issues. But living up to expectations founded on parenting myths and misconceptions doesn’t help.
Michael Grose, leading Australian parenting expert and author of Great Ideas for (Tired) Parents [New South Wales: Random House, 2000] reveals and challenges some common myths of parenting.
Children Should Come first
While Grose agrees that raising children requires some sacrifices, he also believes that these should not include parents own needs. Parents, he says, have the responsibility to take care of themselves physically, mentally and spiritually.
“Kids don’t need a mother or father who is worn out or frustrated because they are living their lives for or through their children,” he writes, adding that kids actually want happy parents who can give freely of themselves because they want to. He also suggests that parents learn to say “no” to kids to maintain some time for themselves.
Parents Have No Time for Themselves
Stay-at-home parents’ lives revolve around children and house work. However, the chores should not completely deprive them of some “alone time”. Parents can make time for themselves and their interests if they make the time, insists Grose. To create time, Grose recommends using babysitters, friends, relatives or even the spouse. Kids will survive without Mum for a short period of time!
Parents are Responsible for Children’s Misdemeanors
Most children understand rules and consequences. But they will misbehave to get attention, to test the limits of acceptable behavior and perhaps to beat boredom. Grose says children also will change and assume responsibility for their behavior when they know what consequences await them. Avoid protecting children from the results of their behavior in the belief that it’s best for them. For instance, don’t keep heat up the food for the child when he consistently and deliberately comes home late. This will teach him not to be tardy.
Good Children Do Not Misbehave
All children misbehave from time to time. Through misbehavior, they actually test and cross the boundaries of accepted behavior. They know what is and is not acceptable for Mum and Dad. Don’t fret if children misbehave. After all, there is no such creature as the perfect child, says Grose. Just be firm about meting out consequences when children behave really badly.
Children are Helpless
When a child truly wants something, she will do whatever it takes to get it. Young kids reaching for the ice cream in the freezer is a common occurrence. But the same kids will claim that they can’t get a drink of water by themselves! The point here is that children are not completely helpless. Many stay-at-home parents tend to do everything for their children because they think that’s one reason of staying home for the kids. Parents’ role is to support children and offer ideas to help them cope, not to take over their problems.
Parenting myths and misconceptions make raising children more challenging than it already is. These stem from the unfounded beliefs that children should come first; that parents have no time for themselves; that parents are responsible for children’s misdemeanor; that good children do not misbehave and that children are helpless.
Grose suggests that parents give priority to their own needs; make time for themselves; be firm about consequences when children misbehave and support children when they need help instead of taking over their problems.
Those who find this article useful may also like to read The Truth about Parenting, How to Reduce Parental Stress and How to Have a Good Relationship with Kids.
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