Confident children behave differently from those who lack that quality. While the former are often independent, outgoing, reliable and determined, the latter usually display quite the opposite. Here are some common signs a child lacks confidence and parenting tips to boost a child's self-esteem.
Over-dependence
Children who are clingy often don’t know how to make decisions for themselves. They stick to Mum or Dad especially outside the home and will be completely lost without their parents around. Help the child reduce his over-dependence by creating opportunities for him to make some decisions. Let him know Mum or Dad will always be there to help him come to a decision.
Shyness
Shyness and awkwardness can be crippling when a child is on the verge of trying to make friends. Often, extreme shyness will deter him from making the first move at the playground or school. Help the child overcome his shyness by practicing some role-play at home. Act out different ways in which the child can respond. Teach him to smile and make eye contact with other children.
Fearfulness
Fear and anxiety of being laughed at, of making mistakes, of what others may think and of failing will often affect a child’s self-confidence. Tell the child that while it is okay to feel such anxiety at times, the child should not let it get in his way to succeed. Parents who talk about their own failures and fears stand a better chance of relieving such fearfulness in their children. It can help keep the child from feeling isolated and helpless when things don’t work out the way he wants it.
Procrastination
People tend to put things off when they are not sure if they will succeed. Children do that too. Eliminate this uncertainty by teaching the child to concentrate on the “trying” part, rather than the outcome. It’s the effort that really counts, not the end result.
Negative Self-talk
When children put themselves down constantly, they unwittingly erode their self-confidence. Put a stop to negative self-talk by encouraging positive self-talk. If the child says he can’t do something, encourage him to give in a try anyway and see how he will do. If he says he’s stupid and nobody likes him, tell him to remind himself that he is a good boy and will be able to make friends.
Perfectionism
In the pursuit of excellence, some children give themselves too much pressure and feel utterly shattered when they fail. This will rattle their self-confidence significantly. Parents can help by encouraging the child to set realistic and achievable goals suitable to his age and skills. Show him that failing isn’t a bad thing. The important thing is to do the best he can and learn from the mistake. By experiencing failures and disappointments, a child will also develop the resilience to succeed later in life.
Over-dependence, shyness, fearfulness, procrastination, negative self-talk and perfectionism are all signs of low self-esteem in children. Parents should observe their children to see if they display these behaviors. If they do, give all the support and guidance the children need to help them overcome their lack of confidence.
References:
Green, Dr. Christopher. Beyond Toddlerdom: Keeping Five to Twelve-year-olds on the Rails. Australia: Doubleday. 2000.
Davies, Nikki. “They Can be Heroes” in Wellbeing magazine. Sydney: Universal Wellbeing, July 2007
 |
