How to Manage Behavior Problems in Playgroups
Practical Approaches to Handle Difficult Children in a Playgroup
Dec 1, 2008
Playgroups are great for young kids to play and interact with one another. In fact, many kids make friends for the very first time in playgroups. But various concerns and conflicts may surface when a group of young children are put together.
Reluctance to share, clinginess, overdependence and aggression are common child behavior problems seen in playgroups. Here are some strategies to manage such behaviors.
The Child Who Refuses to Share
When playgroup members gather at one member’s house for a session, the host’s child may get very excited at the prospect of having other kids at her house, until she learns that the other kids will be helping themselves to her toys! Don’t be surprised to see her holding on to her belongings possessively.
Most parents’ first reaction is to admonish the child for not willing to share. Well, there is a softer approach that can appease all parties, say Laura Peabody Broad and Nancy Towner Butterworth, authors of The Playgroup Handbook [New York: St Martin Press, 1991]. They suggest that the other children bring a toy along to the playgroup.
“This initially gives them a sense of security, and then as they become interested in the toys belonging to the host member’s child, she has their toys to examine and play with for some new interest,” they write.
The Clingy Child
Many young children feel shy when meeting other people for the first time. They prefer to stay close to their parents and seem content just to watch other kids play. There is nothing to worry about, says Caren W. Joye, author of A Stay-at-home Mom’s Complete Guide to Playgroups [New York: Writers Club Press, 2000].
“They just need some time to check things out. Give them the time they need without pushing. They will warm up to the group and join right in after a few weeks,” she assures concerned parents.
The Overdependent Child
Some children can’t seem to be doing anything for themselves or are constantly worried about doing things the right way. Such children may be so used to others doing things for them that they constantly need instructions even for things they have done before.
The trick, say Broad and Butterworth, is to pull the child’s attention away from his parent to the other kids who are busy with their activity. For instance, if the child is worried about the right way to color a picture, divert his attention to the other children who are drawing happily. These other kids serve as a reminder of how to draw. By redirecting his focus in such a way, he may be able to find the solution without running to mum the next time he holds a color pencil.
The Aggressive Child
Some children can get rather unruly in a playgroup. They play rough, are territorial, too active and very loud. For most of such “wild” children, it’s a phase that will pass in time. “Just keep an eye on him so he won’t hurt the other children,” advices Joye. Parents of known aggressive children should pay more attention to their children to prevent accidents and to warn them when necessary. This will in turn curb resentment from other parents and children.
However, if the child turns really aggressive or violent – he starts biting, hitting or kicking another child – it’s time for some action. Remove him from the situation immediately. Pull him aside to a quiet corner and give him some time to recover from feelings that were overwhelming him a moment ago.
Be firm but do not shout at him for behaving badly. “Stay as free from negative judgment and punishment as possible,” suggest Broad and Butterworth. This will help keep the child’s self-esteem intact.
Dealing with children in a playgroup can be difficult at times. But if all parents in the group agree on a standard approach to handle selfish, clingy, overdependent and aggressive children, the playgroup is more likely to run smoothly and help kids learn and have fun positively.
For more reading on playgroups and tips on managing children, check out articles on having fun in playgroups, overcoming shyness in children and preventing supermarket tantrums.
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