While children can be real angels, they can turn demonic without warning too. At their worst, they can be noisy, messy, manipulative, demanding and forgetful – all at the same time! Honestly, when children misbehave, it’s very hard to like them.
Things are a lot worse for stay-at-home parents who have to manage children’s misdemeanors all day long if the kids are at home. Fret not. Here are some tips for encouraging good behavior in kids.
Parents as Good Role Models
All children look up to their parents. That’s why it’s so important for parents to be good role models. Parents who shout, swear and have bad table manners shouldn’t be surprised to see their offspring mimicking them. Parents should show children what good behaviors are by behaving themselves.
Parenting expert and author of Your Baby and Child [Dorling Kindersley, 2003], Penelope Leach, explains, “’Show’ is a keyword because your child will model his behavior on your example far more than he’ll adapt it to what you say.” Showing children how to do something right is also important because children find it easier with instructions.
Treat Children with Respect
Parents should treat children with respect. A child will not give his parents much more politeness, consideration and co-operation than the parents will give him. As such, Leach says the child is likely to use the same language – good or bad – and many of the same attitudes. Avoid talking down to children or belittling them constantly. Treat them with understanding and respect. Ideally, there shouldn’t be any double standards at home with the kids.
Ensure Good and Bad Behavior Comes with Consequences
Good behavior should be rewarded and bad behavior punished accordingly. It sounds obvious but many parents don’t actually do this. Some parents give children treats in the hope that they will behave. That’s giving the wrong message – kids will take that as bad behavior being rewarded.
Some parents also are very good at constantly pointing out their children’s misdemeanors. That’s fine. But they should also catch children being good, says Michael Grose, author of One Step Ahead: Raising 3 to 12 Year Olds [Random House Australia, 2000]. “It is far more useful to focus attention on children’s appropriate behavior. Children are more likely to adopt behaviors that meet approval if they gain positive attention for these actions,” he elaborates.
Use Positive Instructions with Children
To help kids behave, Leach suggests using positive instructions. Children like to be shown what they can do rather than what they cannot do. So try to say “Like this” rather than “Not like that”; “Yes, go for it” instead of “No, stop doing that”. Parents tend to overuse the term “don’t” as well. Leach suggests they keep “don’t” for actual rules.
This is because telling the child not to do something only works when parents want to rule a specific action (for example something that may harm the child like crossing the street alone or playing with matches) once and for all. If parents only want to forbid a particular behavior at only one particular moment, it’s best they phrase the instruction positively. For instance, instead of saying “Don’t interrupt while I’m talking”, try saying “Please wait until we’ve finished talking”.
Parents should be good role models to encourage good behaviors in kids. Additionally, they should treat children with respect, ensure good and bad behaviors come with appropriate consequences and use positive instructions with children.
Found this article useful? Read also How Parents can Manage Children, Communication Skills for Parents and How to Have a Good Relationship with Kids.
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