Co-parenting and Sharing Childcare Duties
How Couples Can Share Parenting Responsibilities Successfully
Aug 14, 2009
What every couple with children should practice is co-parenting, an approach where the couple works as a team. Unfortunately, for many single income families where Dad works and Mum stays at home for the kids, this just isn’t happening often enough.
Stay-at-home mums are usually expected to be the primary caregiver and do the lion’s share of household chores and parenting duties. However, pushing everything for these mums is not only unfair, it can also cause them physical, mental and emotional breakdowns.
Here are some useful suggestions to help couples practice co-parenting and share childcare duties successfully.
Discuss Each Parent’s Role before Babies Arrive
Don’t assume that the spouse knows what he or she is expected to do after the babies arrive. Talk it through. Agree on who should do what and how regularly. While many of today’s modern dads are more involved in childcare than their fathers or grandfathers did, there are still some who expect their wives to do everything at home.
Women whose husbands show that kind of tendency should breach the subject and work out something that will work fairly for both partners. That said, both partners should be flexible and when necessary, review how the co-parenting approach should be carried out when the kids finally arrive.
How Women can Involve Men in Parenting Duties
Men generally have scores of excuses not to be involved in parenting duties and housework. They will cite exhaustion, lack of knowledge or the fact they work all day (outside the house) to feed the family to avoid their domestic duties.
To ensure her husband participate in co-parenting, a stay-at-home mum can:
- Request for help with affection and gratitude rather than aggression.
- Clearly state how unhappy she is with too much work at home but do so without hostility.
- Appeal to his sense of fair play by showing him how much she needs his help because she works all day while he only eight hours per day.
- Suggest that if he helps out, she will have more time to herself and have more energy to engage in fun activities the couple used to enjoy.
- Let the husband carry out his childcare responsibilities his way.
How Men Can Help their Wives with Childcare Responsibilities
A man’s contribution towards parenting duties is always welcome, no matter how big or small the contribution is. To help his wife with childcare responsibilities, a husband can:
- Pick up clutter such as blankets, towels, books, toys and bottles that are lying all around the house.
- Learn to change diapers, bathe the kids, tuck them at bedtime, feed them and really spend time to bond with them.
- Give the wife time-outs regularly so that she has time for herself to do things that she enjoys without worrying about the kids.
Couples need to work together and share childcare responsibilities to practice co-parenting. Talk about each other’s duties even before the kids arrive. Women can encourage men to be more involved in parenting duties while men can take the initiative to keep the house clutter-free and learn some basic childcare skills.
Found this article useful? Read also Tips for Successful Co-Parenting, Avoiding Fights in Front of Children and Fighting Fair when Children are Around.
References:
Dr. Coleman, Joshua. The Lazy Husband. London: Piatkus Books, 2005.
Sandra Hardin Gookin. Parenting for Dummies. New York: Hungry Minds, 2002.
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