Young children are not very good communicators. Sometimes, their inability to express themselves can frustrate them considerably. Tantrums and incessant screaming may ensue. Some parents respond by shouting at the kids, which only worsens the situation.
Obviously, a screaming match between parents and child is not going to solve anything. Instead, what parents really need to do is to talk to children in ways that make them feel safe and reassured. Only when they feel safe can they talk freely and openly.
In short, good communication skills for parents are crucial. Here are some parenting tips for talking to children.
Parents Should Stay Calm
No matter how frustrated or angry a parent is when talking to a child, she should remain calm. Getting all riled up inside and outside will only distress the child more. The child needs to feel secure and comfortable to open up. So give him the calm atmosphere he needs.
Truly Listen to the Child
Get down to the child’s height. Sitting or kneeling is fine, as long as it’s comfortable. Then look the child in the eye. This helps parents to read the child’s true emotions, which in turn helps parents to respond in the right way. Give the child the full attention he deserves. Then listen to what he has to say. If he is really upset about something, gently touch him on the back or the belly. Don’t overwhelm him by hugging him tightly unless he is clearly hysterical and desperately need comforting.
Talk a Firm Tone
When all is calm, talk to the child in a firm, low tone. Keep the tone consistent throughout the conversation. There is no need to yell, beg or threaten. The firm tone in Mum’s voice conveys that Mum is serious about the matter.
Prompt the Child During the Conversation
To help a child express himself clearly, prompt him during the conversation. Encourage a very young child to use his own words to describe what’s bothering him. For an older child, the parent may ask questions or state the obvious to start the conversation. Examples include “You look upset.”, “What’s troubling you?” and “Are you mad about something or someone?”.
Repeat What the Child Says
After the child has poured his heart out, the parents should repeat what the child says to show they are really listening. This also allows the parents to organize their thoughts and prepare for a reply or solution.
Disallow Interruptions During Parent-child Talk
When the child is talking, let him talk uninterrupted. Nod from time to time and show the appropriate facial expressions. When it’s Mum’s turn to talk, the child will let her talk uninterrupted too and listen to all she has to say. If the child interrupts, tell him firmly he needs to let Mum finish talking first before having his turn again.
Talking to children requires parents to have certain communication skills. In essence, parents should stay calm when communicating with children. They should also truly listen to the child, talk in a firm tone, prompt the child during the conversation if needed, repeat what the child says and disallow interruptions during the parent-child talk.
Found this article useful? Read also Communicating Effectively with Children, How to Have a Good Relationship with Kids and How Parents can Manage Children.
References:
Grisdale, Myra, Cater, Janet and Morton-Evans, Michael. Why Won’t my Child Listen? Sydney: Simon & Schuster, 2005.
Carrol, Deborah and Reid, Stella. Nanny 911. New York: Regan Books, 2005.
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