Common Excuses Men Use to Avoid Housework

Getting Lazy Husbands to Help with Household Chores

Apr 28, 2009

Men often use their higher income, zero experience on household chores as well as fatigue and stress as excuses to avoid housework.

In a March 2000 survey conducted by Ladies’ Home Journal, 46% of respondents wanted a husband who would “make the bed” compared to only 16% who wanted a husband who “performed better in bed”.

The survey was conducted nearly 10 years ago. And not much has changed since then. Women, particularly stay-at-home mothers, are still waiting for men to do more housework. Here are some common excuses men use to avoid housework and how women can positively respond to them.

The Husband Makes More Money

Many men use their higher income as an excuse not to do housework. They claim that because they make more money, they should be excluded from household chores. Full-time stay-at-home mothers have almost no bargaining power when their husbands use this excuse to avoid housework and parenting!

The wife can counter by insisting that although she does not bring home any income, she works just as hard at home, if not more. While the husband works eight hours a day, she works 24 hours. So it isn’t fair for her to do everything at home.

It helps if the wife appeals to the husband's sense of fair play and approaches him with appreciation instead of aggression when asking for help.

The Husband Uses Fatigue and Stress to Avoid Housework

Men frequently claim they are too tired or stressed to help after spending long hours at the office. They need to unwind when they get home, not to start preparing dinner or minding the children.

A full-time stay-at-home mum can respond to that by saying that while she understands the husband is tired and stressed, she doesn’t think his job is any more tiring or stressful than hers at home. Dealing with little clingy children while trying to clean, mop, cook and supervise older children with homework is just as stressful as office work. The fact is both husband and wife work hard during the day and therefore both should help each other out in the evening at home.

The Husband Has no Experience in Household Chores

Often, men will simply say they don’t know how to do housework to escape doing it. Well, many of them genuinely don’t know how but that’s only because they are too lazy to learn it.

The next time the husband says housework doesn’t come naturally to him, tell him it doesn’t come naturally to anyone – men or women. Everyone has to learn to do it at some point. After clearly stating that, show him how things can be done.

The Husband Deliberately Messes Up Housework

Some men successfully avoid housework by deliberately messing up housework. This strategy is effective if the wife is particular about how housework is done.

The solution is for the wife to lower her standard. Never mind if the husband doesn’t stack up the dishes properly or bathes the kids in less than five minutes. Let him do things his way. Sooner or later he’ll realize he has to do some chores whether he likes them or not.

While men’s general hopelessness in household chores may seem funny at times, it has caused strained relationships between husbands and wives. When husbands claim they shouldn’t do housework because they make more money, are too tired or stressed, have no experience in household chores or they deliberately mess up housework to avoid doing it, try the above approaches to respond to those lazy husband excuses.

Kendall-Tackett, Kathleen A. The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood. Oakland: New Harbinger Publications, 2001.

The copyright of the article Common Excuses Men Use to Avoid Housework in Stay-at-Home Parents is owned by Wei Yin Wong. Permission to republish Common Excuses Men Use to Avoid Housework in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.