Avoiding Loss of Identity as a Stay-at-Home Mom
How Full-Time Mothers Can Avoid Losing Themselves
Jul 22, 2009
Whether they realize it or not, loss of identity occurs to many stay-at-home moms. Their entire lives are centered around taking care of everyone’s needs, sometimes twenty-four hours a day because time clocks do not exist in this job. And yes, being a SAHM is considered a job like any other because moms put in their time and effort day in and day out. The only difference is there are no set hours and moms don’t necessarily get two fifteen minute breaks and a lunch break. As a result of this, many don’t even know when their day ends and the next begins.
How Loss of Identity Occurs
After many months, or for most, many years of being the full-time family caregiver, moms experience burnout, just as working parents experience at their jobs. But because they are unable to leave their job behind at the end of their day, SAHMs are on constant mom-mode, always ready to take care of the needs of their family while putting theirs last. And by doing this everyday, they lose themselves in their daily routine, forgetting about doing the things they used to love doing or wanting things for themselves. In the end, SAHMs see themselves as just that, a stay-at-home mom.
Make "Mom Time-Out" a Priority
One way that moms can avoid this from happening is to set aside some regular “mom time-out”, whether it is once a day, once a week, or twice a month. The main thing is that it needs to be a set time and preferably a set date. Just as moms schedule doctor and dentist appointments ahead of time and make sure that they keep them, “mom time-outs” should be a priority just as well. SAHMs need to escape from their job too, and this escape could be anything like pampering themselves with a massage or pedicure, hanging out at Starbucks, or browsing the mall. Or even just taking a catnap. SAHMs need downtime. In fact, they are entitled to it since their job requires them to be on-call twenty-four hours a day.
Engage in Activities Just for Mom
Another way to avoid a loss of identity is for moms to have something of their own. For example, they could attend a book club or take a class or scrapbook with other moms. The point is moms need to have something that separates them from being a mom. They forget that they are simply women, women who have needs, wishes, and desires, and who enjoy other things besides caring for their family. It is not selfish to want to be with other people or do activities that do not include the family all the time. Humans were designed to connect and associate with other humans. As women, SAHMs have the innate desire to connect with other women. Without this connection, moms grow isolated and unhappy. Engaging in something that is meant just for them keeps moms refreshed and fulfilled and helps them to reconnect with the woman inside of them.
Not all SAHMs experience a loss of identity. However, many do, although most won’t admit it or even realize it. But if they take the time to care for themselves first and foremost, then the rest of the family will benefit from it because happy moms make happy families.
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